go do what you do best...puke behind churches
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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