Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
wow bdsm is so cute
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
