You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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