just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
did you just send me my own nude
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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