Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
operation have a gay friend backfired
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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