i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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