Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize