Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
