This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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