Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
