He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
