do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
