idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is Oprah even human
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
