batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
