Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
