So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?