So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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