I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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