I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed