yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake