She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
