when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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