you have to choose: penises or morals?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry about my life...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
