i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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