I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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