If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
