I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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