it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood