if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear