She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.