forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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