NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
