He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
