That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
