Plan B is the new Plan A
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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