Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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