And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
