How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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