Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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