Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
