Umm I'm too high to move.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
