(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
