Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
