I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
