some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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