I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
