he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
