I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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