We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
