Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
