Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
