I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
