i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
