no, he came in my armpit
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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