i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize