If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
