just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
