Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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