i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
