people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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