I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
