By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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