i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
