and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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