Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
