Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
