you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
