he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
