Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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