just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are my feet made of real feet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
