i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
