I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
