I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
